Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
