i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
