Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
