worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
