Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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