I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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