you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
