five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So apparently I’m into choking now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
