Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I want is dick and wine.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
