i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Say something about gay babies.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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