I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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