He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
