like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
