i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
