So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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