walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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