it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
