Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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