Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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