drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
