well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
