I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
