We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
