I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
