So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
