I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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