Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
are you so shy because you have an std?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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