ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
