I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
