I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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