im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
