Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
