the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
