He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Buhtt sex?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
