dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
