I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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