I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
