I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
