By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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