exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
