I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
