erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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