I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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