how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
