The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
