i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
