He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
