I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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