I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
