I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
