There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Two words: blizzard sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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